Just Listen
by Sorcha Zell
Summary: 1st person Quistis about the ever-memborable night of the SeeD Graduation Ball.


Disclaimer: Quistis Trepe, Squall Leonhart, Balamb Garden and all of it's contents belong to Squaresoft. I'm thinking of doing this for each character, with different parts in the game, and making it one story. Thoughts? Ideas? Comments or questions? Review, or drop me a line at my livejournal; http://www.livejournal.com/users/sorchazell

  
  


A loud bang startles me out of my thoughts, and I look up quickly, accustomed to those booming sounds warning of an incoming bomb. It's just fireworks. The fireworks spider-web across the dark sky and create an intricate pattern behind the glass window panes far above. Beautiful, they're a fitting tribute to all of the hard work that the SeeDs put in, and to all of the work that it took for the new SeeDs to pass the field exam. This year was absolutely disastrous, we could have had three casualties on our hands, one fourth of the entire candidates taking part in the exam. But we didn't- all of the cadets made it back safely and the three that could have lost their lives took their places in SeeD instead. Four students total passed this year; Nida, a quiet student, Selphie, a transfer from Trabia, Zell, Balamb's own lively and energetic resident, and of course, Squall. I was Squall's instructor- did I fail with him, too? And the mess that Seifer almost caused, was that because of my lack of leadership? The rest of the faculty seems to think so. 'Squad B, the problem Squad. I guess it can't be helped with a rookie instructor.' When we were boarding the transport to Dollet, I heard, but I didn't say anything.

I spot Squall standing close, unusually close for him, to the dark haired girl, I've been watching all along, but no one needs to know that. She holds up her hands and shrinks away from him apologetically, probably off to romance some other young SeeD. Squall stares after her for a moment, as an expert Squall observer, I know that his pride is wounded. He stalks out to the balcony, and I can see him stiffly breathing in the dark, pretending he doesn't care. But he does, I know it. He cares.

I follow, striding past the laughing couples and happy faces, out of the room crawling with people and into the silent darkness.

"You really are an excellent student. Even that dance was perfect." I remark, perhaps we can get to talking, they say misery loves company. He turns around and stops his face from forming a look of dismay. I know what he's thinking- "oh no, not her again."

"Thank you." he manages, formally polite. Perhaps Squall isn't miserable, or perhaps the saying is wrong, but whatever the case, Squall doesn't appear to love this company. A long pause- he's just wishing I would leave him alone. Maybe I'm trying too hard? Or he just despises me.

"Yes?" he asks impatiently, blowing long strands of hair out of his eyes. He really wishes I would leave him alone, to sulk by himself. Well, that's not going to happen, we can sulk together.

"So you'll dance with someone you don't even know, but you can't stand being around me?" I ask, tilting my head sideways. Better just to get it out in the open. If he really hates me that much, I can leave now and save face.

"...Whatever." He's still prickling about the dance. "You're an instructor and I'm your student. It's kind of awkward when you don't say anything." He shifts, switching arms, but still leaning against the rail. I'm not his instructor anymore, we're equals now, but he doesn't know that.

"That's true. I was like that myself." I consider thoughtfully. I always found talking with Instructors out of class awkward, too. "...Oh, I completely forgot. I wonder what's to become of me?" I say, half seriously, half self-mocking. "I've come to give you an order. You and I are going to go to the Secret Area. It's where the students secretly meet up and talk after curfew. It's inside the Training Center." It's so easy to slip back into the familiar role of Instructor Trepe.

"What do you want to do there?" Squall asks doubtfully, and I almost laugh, but stop myself in time. "Are we going to tell everyone they're violating curfew? If that's the case, forget it. Leave that for the disciplinary committee." he continues, turning back to the balcony. I laugh, it's just like Squall to assume that I'm all business.

"Go get changed and meet me in front of the training center. This will be my last order." I reply. Maybe directives and the use of 'order' will spur him on. His eyebrows knit, and I know he's wondering about the last part of my statement. "Hm? Question?" I inquire.

"What do you mean, last order?" He asks suspiciously. 

"Well, I have a lot on my mind." That didn't answer his question at all, I'm avoiding it, but with one last disbelieving glace, he walks towards the dorms. I run my hands up my face and lower my head. I think that went well, but if that was going well, I'd hate to see things going badly.

I lean against the white wall of the hallway leading to the doors of the Training Center, arms crossed in impatience. I look up, hearing the heavy footsteps of Squall, and he turns to look at me expectantly. I step away from the wall and let my arms drop to my sides.

"Squall, I was just wondering. . . Have you fought T-Rexaur in the training center?" I inwardly cringe, I hate it when I sound like I'm trying to be mother. His fingers brush against his bottom lip as he brings his hand up to his mouth, contemplating the question.

"I'm not sure. . ." he says uncertainly. I take that as a no, I'm relatively sure he'd remember if he did. Though we did run into the wild T-Rexaur on our way to the Fire Cavern. I wonder if he remembers that...? I look down at my boots quickly before looking back up at Squall. 

"You can defeat it quite easily by using Status Junction. Let's go over status changes." I cringe again- even worse than sounding like his mother is sounding like his instructor. Especially since I'm not an instructor any longer. I re-explain status changes despite it, and he looks bored when I finish. "Well?" I ask, soliciting no response. "Use a Sleep attack against T-Rexaur. Just junction 'Sleep' onto your Status Attack Junction and attack." I summerize. Most likely, I could have said that to begin with, but I want to make sure that he won't get himself or me killed. What am I talking about? He's a SeeD, not a junior... He can take care of himself. I limply gesture towards the doors with my left hand. "Come on, let's go to the 'secret area'. It's just inside the training center." Squall still looks doubtful, but he walks toward the doors anyhow. Door B swings open, and we step inside the warm humid air. 

Before crossing the metal bridge, Squall and I finish off a pair of Grats without much difficulty, and I try to shake off the remaining effects of 'Sleeping Gas.' We've just crossed the narrow wood planks when we encounter another monster. 

"T-Rexaur!!!" I shout to Squall, though I'm sure he's noticed. "Squall, be careful!" I'm parenting again, but I used to be his instructor and I can't help it if I care about his well being. "Sometimes it's better to run!" It's getting late, and neither of us are in the mood for this fight, so we take the latter option and run the rest of the way to the Secret Area.

A couple stand and talk off to our left and another couple is huddled near the right. "I haven't been here for a while." I say wistfully. Being an Instructor kept me busy. Maybe now I'll have more time for things like this. I walk over to the metal half-wall and lean against it, staring at the view of Garden glowing against the dark night. "What time is it?" I ask suddenly. Squall turns to look at me, then dips his head and looks back off to his left.

"It's after midnight." he replies. I slump against the half-wall. My career as SeeD Instructor Quistis Trepe is over. 

"Oh well..." I sigh quietly. Silence. "I, Quistis Trepe, am no longer an instructor as of now!" I proclaim louder, straightening up proudly to sound official. I turn to Squall, still resting an arm against the metal. "I'm a member of SeeD now, just like you. Who knows, maybe we'll end up working together." I say, trying to hide the disappointment I feel. Squall looks over at me again. His eyebrows are raised, but he still emanates a feeling of nonchalance. He turns back. 

"...Oh really?" he asks politely. I turn back as well, not looking at him.

"Is that all you're going to say?" he isn't reacting the way I hoped he would. Even pity would be better than this, this apathetic politeness. He sighs, searching his mind for an additional remark.

"If that's how it was decided, you have to abide by it." he offers. As if I don't know I haven't got a choice. I stare glumly out from the wall, then drop my head to my arms.

"They told me that I failed as an instructor. Basically, that I lacked leadership qualities." I say, my voice muffled. I straighten up again, and continue. "I was a SeeD by the age of 15, got my instructor license at 17..." I had never been prouder than when I was handed the card and the badge proclaiming my right to teach. "It's only been a year since I got it..." I lament. Only a year and I've lost it already. "I wonder where I went wrong..." I ask aloud, still staring into the night. "I did my best..." I turn to see if any of this is getting through to Squall, but he's not even facing me at all anymore, and his hand is on his hip, showing how little interest he has. "Are you listening?" I demand, my own hand springing to my hip. He sighs, but still doesn't face me.

"Are you done yet...?" he asks impatiently. He turns to lean with his back on the metal. "I don't wanna talk about it." as if there's something for him to not want to talk about. He's not the one that was demoted. "What am I supposed to say about other people's problems?" he asks, not expecting an answer. He waves a hand indistinctly, as if these problems are no more than pesky insects to be swatted away. 

"I'm not asking you to say anything." I tell him, clasping my hands in front of me, almost begging him to understand. "I just want you to listen." I plead. I don't have much dignity left to lose anyhow. Squall pushes off from the metal. 

"Then go talk to a wall." I can feel tears welling in my eyes, but I try to convert the sorrow to intolerance. 

"Aren't there times when you want to share your feelings with someone?" I ask, hands on hips, mentally willing him to be understanding. Squall crosses his arms and looks down.

"Everyone has to take care of themselves." he states. Oh, so I'm inconveniencing him, is that it?

Tears spring to my eyes again, and I look down. Squall starts to walk away. " I don't want to carry anyone's burden." he says, before leaving. I tuck a falling strand of hair behind my ear with a gloved hand. I taught this boy- did I somehow create this cynical viewpoint?

"...No leadership qualities...Failed instructor...Perhaps they're right..." I say to no one, watching Squall walk away. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe Squall really doesn't care about anything. Maybe Squall really doesn't care at all. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



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